Being Expansive
Create an expansive space that liberates your true self.
“Only when compassion is present will people allow themselves to see the truth.”
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This may sound like a lofty declaration. We live in a world that focuses too much on the “doing” than the “being”. I firmly believe that each of us have the capacity to learn (or unlearn) ways to live a life that transcends what we perceive to be impossible. It takes both courage and curiosity to embark on this journey of inquiry and discovery as to how to strengthen The Observer in you, shift in body and beliefs to be aligned to one’s calling, and sustain these changes over time so that they become integral to your life. Expansive space is a safe space that is being created or held so that compassion can exists because only when compassion is present will people recognize their true nature – to know their true self again.
Gabor Maté
This is an image of my iris. When the pupil dilates, it grows bigger to let in more light. As the saying goes, "Your eyes are the windows to your soul".
Being Expansive = Emancipated X Essence X Embodiment
Being Emancipated
“We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world”
Gabor Maté
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I combine both Ontology (a study that focuses on Way of Being ) and Compassionate Inquiry (a psychotherapeutic approach developed by Dr Gabor Maté that reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world) in my practice. By understanding how the mind-body connection works, it allows us to better learn what debilitates or liberates us, and this awareness creates transformational shifts in being with more sustainable changes.
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This approach addresses the multi-dimensional nature of human beings. The key here is to gain more awareness and understanding of the current underlying beliefs, assessments, personality patterns, and explore possibilities for growth and transformation. The essence of an ontological approach to life, is about becoming a more powerful Observer so that one can take more effective actions for more sustainable behavioural changes and better results.
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Ontological Coaching is an explicitly holistic approach to what is required for sustainable change, working with the integration of language, emotions and body. Each of these areas is an area of learning and change. There must be shifts in all three areas for change to “stick” by leveraging the possibilities of neuroplasticity, the ability of the nervous system to change its activity in response to intrinsic or extrinsic stimuli by reorganizing its structure, functions, or connections.
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Ontology has a different and deeper approach to language, working from the premise that language is a process that generates reality; humans are language beings that continually create what is real for them by the specific ways they use and do not use language. As language is generative, an ontological coach supports clients to identify different ways of using language to generate more constructive reality so that this opens up more possibilities for every individually, both personally and collectively.
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Ontological Coaching places great emphasis on the crucial importance of moods as deep longer-term emotions, which are largely invisible. The application of a unique moods framework enables clients to develop more helpful moods and therefore develop more constructive perceptions and behaviours. The power of emotions to continually shape perception and behavior is the essence of our wellbeing and the cornerstone of our relationships.
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Another important premise is that the body (postural alignment, muscle tension and breathing) or somatic, plays a crucial role in perception, learning and change. Coaching to the body typically opens up significant new insights for clients that are highly unlikely to occur through language or emotions. Long-standing moods and unhelpful beliefs are embodied, so while clients may change at an intellectual level, this will not be sustainable unless the body changes; more specifically, the resetting of nervous systems.
Being in Essence
“The more self-led that you become, the less afraid you are to act in a way that’s going to actually bring more harmony”
Dr. Richard Schwartz
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Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family System (IFS), regards Self-Leadership as a state of mind and heart that manifests through positive virtues such as compassion, calmness, clarity, curiosity, confidence, courage, creativity and connectedness, toward ourselves and others. When we fully embody such positive virtues in our daily life, we become calm, emotionally centered, and confident during challenging situations driven by VUCAH (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity, Hyper-Connectivity) and ordeals in life, both professionally and personally.
In essence to be a good leader, is to practice self-leadership. Bryant and Kazan (2012) define self-leadership as leaders having a developed sense of who they are, what they can do and where they are going. Coupled with this is the ability to influence communication, emotions, and behaviours.
“May you live long enough to know why you were born”
Cherokee birth blessing
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A lot of our views are inherited e.g. culture, family, religion, economic social strata etc.. When these “limiting” views and perceptions are removed, we are left with a space of openness devoid from suffering. When this happens, what is our life purpose? Richard Condon refers this to be our calling, which is the original intent of your existence. What can I create as to what my life is for? What do you care for?
Being Embodied
“The body has been designed to renew itself through continuous self-correction. These same principles also apply to the healing of psyche, spirit, and soul”
Peter A. Levine
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Resourcing refers to identifying and instilling skills to help you deal with difficult reactions that you may experience. Resourcing can be both external resources i.e. anything outside of one’s self that provides a sense of calm, support, strength and capability, and internal resources are anything within one-self that provides relaxation, pleasure, support, strength, and safety. Some examples include breathwork, meditation, yoga, practices such as forest bathing (to be reconnected with nature) or communities.